Publix Palooza

A Celebration Of The World’s Greatest Grocery Store And Its Baffling 1980s Training Video

WAIT... WHAT ARE WE DOING?

We’ll conduct a LIVE READING of the script for Publix's 1980s training video. Roles will be randomly assigned to willing participants.

And of course, we’ll screen the video itself... Rocky Horror style! Come ready to quote all your favorite lines and cheer for legendary characters like Bag Boy and Bakery Woman.

SOUNDS LIKE WE’LL WORK UP AN APPETITE. WHAT’S THE FOOD SITUATION?

We'll recreate the menu from the video:

1/4 lb of that special loaf - sliced thin

Lean steak with good marbling - good for the flavor

Just 2 potatoes for baking

4 water rolls...more if we have to!

Pineapple danish for the morning

Gallon of milk

...But we’ll also feast on all your Publix faves:

Chicken Tender PubSub

Fried Chicken

Iced Tea

Lemonade

Key Lime Pie

PUBLIX CAKE!

Spike your lemonade with vodka/whiskey or enjoy cheap beer.

I’M HELPFUL... WHAT CAN I BRING?

Nice to meet you, Helpful! Bring anything you’d like, but it *must* be a Publix product. If I see a name brand... there's gonna be trouble. Exceptions granted for beer, wine and liquor as Publix has yet to open its distillery. :(

I HAVE FRIENDS... WHO CAN I BRING?

Of course you do! Well, listen - the more, the merrier. Feel free to send this invite out! RSVPs are appreciated, but don’t worry about last minute additions.

WHEN SHOULD I SHOW UP WITH MY FRIENDS?

Let's say doors open at 8:00. Activities kick off around 9:00.

Unfortunately, the party’s main source of inspiration - the Publix 1985 training video - was removed from YouTube. But, I still have the script I transcribed!

Theme: 5/5 (A bonus — a significant amount of guests worked at a Publix at some point, so we had a little Q+A following the live reading.)

Execution: 5/5 (Everyone rose to the occasion and delivered inspired performances.)